So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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