he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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