Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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