you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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