I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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