By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
