Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
