Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
