I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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