Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Couch. On fire.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
