at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
