Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
