So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
