How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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