and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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