What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
