can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
