see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
