HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
