she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
