bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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