I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
