Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
