I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
