I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
