2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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