I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
