He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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