The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The Olympian is in my bed
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
