Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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