He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
