you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
