Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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