70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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