a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You've changed since you got that strap on
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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