The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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