After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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