we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
