me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
