Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
