at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
