Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
