i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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