is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
