He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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