she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
well you can't waste a boner
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I could fuck to npr.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
