It's Friday. Sex?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
