hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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