Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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