just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
