I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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