She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
