mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
