She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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